On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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