He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
