before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
