worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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