I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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