No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
This toilet bowl is my home.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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