She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
