hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
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