plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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