Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Barsexuality is the new black.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
