They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
