Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
