i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Walk of Shame today included voting.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
