dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
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