He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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