I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Randomize
