SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize