Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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