No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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