so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
