the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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