It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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