The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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