Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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