I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
