Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
