it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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