christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I said "one day" and that day is not today
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
