I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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