Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
