hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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