no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I've blown a few things in my day
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
