just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
