i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
