hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
