You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
