Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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