the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
