Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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