If that was your dad, he is hot
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
