does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
