I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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