umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
