Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I want to be your penis for a week.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
