So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
