yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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