hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
He felt like a one man threesome
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
