He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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