where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
