i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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