I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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