just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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