she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
