you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
