i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
A+ Viking dick
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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