Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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