Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
