i dedicated my morning wood to you.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
