the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Randomize
