He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
