just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
