So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Sext me about skeletons
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
