Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
