Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
