i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
