Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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