seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
