Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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