We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
last night I used snow as a chaser
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