I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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