Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
