careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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