I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
