well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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